Can I Have a Baby and a Career? Leveraging WFH to be a Great Mom and a Great Professional

As the days counted down, the knots in my stomach tightened and the sense of dread and doom and despair engulfed my last precious moments of being a stay-at-home mom.  My lifelong dream had been to mirror my own parents’ lifestyle, to designate myself as responsible for homemaking and raising my children while my husband financially supported us.  I had always admired the labor of stay-at-home motherhood, a job more important than anything I could do in the professional world.  Being a mom had so much meaning.

Yet I found myself waiting for the inevitable, as my twelve-week maternity leave dwindled away and I faced the harsh reality that my world would suddenly have to accommodate more than just my family.

I was never a career-driven person.  Growing up, I envied my friends who felt passionately about the fields they intended to study.  Two of my closest friends pursued education in nursing, which would be the first stepping stone to helping them achieve their dreams of becoming midwives and supporting maternal health, a valiant career choice that they were so excited to make strides towards.

Other friends of mine went into publishing and writing, forging financial stability out of things they’d enjoyed as hobbies for years.  My husband was equally excited to learn programming languages and to work on creative projects involving computer software, making a career he found mentally stimulating and lucrative.

Although academically strong throughout high school and college, I missed the memo on developing true passion for a job.  I could never have wrapped my mind around the concept of one actually wanting to go to work, or looking forward to spending my time at a place out of pure financial necessity.

So, you can imagine the bleakness of the view in front of me, as I prepared to reenter the workforce after living my dream as a jobless mom for three months.  

What I found on the other end, though, was a huge surprise.  I liked working.

At first, pangs of guilt struck me like a sour taste in my mouth, a subtle nudge towards my hidden fears about myself: “Am I selfish for enjoying this time away from my baby?  Was I not meant to be a mom?”  

Of course, these fears are ever-so-common in motherhood, as we moms bear the societal pressure that we really can’t have an identity outside of “mom” and “wife”-- unless of course, we aren’t fully committed to those roles.

But the truth is, we can in fact be fully committed to both.  The way it works is just a little different than expected.

A few years prior to my pregnancy, I began my journey towards a career in Human Resources.  I’d spend three years paying for college, only to switch my major eight times (yes, actually eight times) because I couldn’t stop comparing myself to my peers who had so much passion for what they were doing.  I felt like I was missing some innate drive.

In my apathetic mindset, I decided to just pick a major that I could apply anywhere, in case I landed at a job I didn’t like.  This led me to a career move I’d never regret:  Earning a Bachelor’s degree in Business.  Business was a great choice for me because it was open-ended, leaving me with limitless options for directions to take my profession.

While I was at it, I decided to earn a concentration (sort of like a Minor) in Human Resources, which I regarded to be the easiest facet of business.  This has a direct correlation to the lack of mathematics in HR.

I humbly began my journey after college as an HR Intern for a local nonprofit, climbing up the ranks to full-time HR Assistant.  It was actually after motherhood that I saw most of my career growth, and received a major promotion, gaining confidence as a professional and learning to enjoy the personal development that comes with becoming an expert in one’s craft.

How was that possible?

By leveraging the work-from-home lifestyle.

I work for a marvelous organization that is first in class when it comes to supporting employees’ work-life-balance.  We are a resource for the community, mainly parents of children with special healthcare needs, and many of our own staff members are parents themselves.   The organization understands the implication of this and offers employees the option for “hybrid” work, allowing us to work from home most days.

Realistically, I go into my office a couple times per month, leaving my baby with my husband, who works fully remotely as a software engineer.  The days that I leave the house can be painful as a mother.  A part of me misses my son and counts every second until I’ll be back home with him, while the other part of me is ridden with guilt that it kind of feels good to step away for a few hours.

Now, I am extremely fortunate to work for a flexible company that allows this work model to exist.  It works so well for so many reasons. 

I have never missed a milestone throughout my son’s infancy and toddlerhood.  I know what he eats for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  I change poopy diapers.  I give good-night kisses before naps.  I get to marvel in awe as he does his toddler things, imitating sounds and learning to blow kisses.

I also have been granted the opportunity to grow in my occupation, because my supervisors can trust me to work when I am on the clock.  I’ve taken on special projects, I produce excellent results, and I have taken over tasks to essentially keep my whole department running smoothly on a day-to-day basis.  

This is not to say that this is the easiest way to run life as a new mom.  It takes incredible energy to sustain parenting and working simultaneously.  We recently had to accept that as our son grows more independent and playful, hiring a babysitter as an extra hand for a few hours a week was a necessary adjustment.

What I learned through working alongside other moms is this:  You can’t be perfect at everything and every role, every day.  When you focus your attention on one part of your identity, the other parts may be sacrificed a little; however, this does not mean it’s all or nothing.

One day, I might be the best mom I can possibly be.  I might not raise my voice at all.  I might prepare three perfectly balanced, toddler-approved meals that include all the damn food groups, plus healthy snacks.  My son might get zero minutes of screen time, and hours of building forts, tickle monster, and storytime with mommy.

Those tend to be the days I have a lighter workload at my job.  Or, if my workload isn’t light, maybe I’ve accepted that tomorrow will be a little extra stressful as I catch up on things that fell to the wayside.

The next day, my toddler might get half-assed leftovers or a fruit and veggie puree pouch might constitute lunch.  He might dance to the Bluey theme song more times than I can count on one hand.  I might get overstimulated and need to rely  on my husband or babysitter to take over more frequently.

These tend to be the days that I have to catch up on work, to continue being good at my job and to ensure that tomorrow I can be present for my baby.

It is okay to sacrifice mental space for one part of your identity in order to accommodate another.  Even if it means not being a perfect parent every single day.  What truly matters is that you can look back and know that over all, on average, you were good enough at everything.  

My baby is not going to grow up and be disappointed in me because I let him watch Bluey while I was super busy with work a couple days out of the week.  The point is that I balanced things to ensure that I was doing enough for him, and that I was also doing enough for myself and my career.  

I hope this story inspires someone to understand the relationship between career and parenthood.  While intertwined, devoting time to one thing does not necessitate failing at another.  Sometimes, taking a step away from our kids and nurturing our identities outside of motherhood sets us up to be sublime role models for our children.